...you shart in your new parachute pants?

...you go looting and all the good stuff’s been picked over? Dang cops always get the good stuff!

...you get left lying on the bathroom floor after you OD’d? Didn’t anyone ever hear of drug addict etiquette?

...your prick neighbor yells “white trash” at you when you’re leaving for work? A simple "good morning" would suffice.

...you wake up with a raging hard-on only to find that your humping the dogs leg?

...you spontaneously break out into the Macarena? Ehhhh, Macarena!

...you step on a crack and break your poor sweet mother’s back? Sorry Mom.

...the sun doesn’t come out tomorrow and you bet your last bottom dollar?