we have talked on the phone for 23 minutes and you have said only 5 things and i have said probably 67 things or something and i feel sorry about that.
jordan castro is a human being
jordan castro talks to much
jordan castro will think, upon realizing that he talks too much, ‘i talk too much’
jordan castro normally feels this right after he has ‘dominated’ a conversation
or talked too much
jordan castro will then say (normally via text message), ‘i am sorry, i talk too much’
jordan castro will wonder how the person receiving the text will feel about this statement
jordan castro feels like there are a few ‘logical’ things that can follow –
1. the person will think, ‘i agree. i am glad he said that.’
2. the person will think, ‘i agree. i don’t care that he said that.’
3. the person will think, ‘i did not notice that until now. but he is right.’
4. the person will be masturbating or jogging or something and will not be able to respond quickly
jordan castro likes option number one the best and option number four the worst
jordan castro thinks options number two and three are the most ‘reasonable’ but the least ‘emotionally stimulating’
jordan castro will worry about apologizing because it might be perceived as pathetic or something
jordan castro is a human being
jordan castro talks too much
etc.
- jordan castro
(added 07.22.09)
(hello).
I - (this poem is in the first
person, because everything
is in the first
person) - hate you.
I am - (though what
am I?) - angry at
you, specifically
for what you
said to me
today,
"What happened to
the Jordan I knew and
loved?"
I am not actually
mad at
you,
I just cannot come
to terms with my
hatred for
existence - (the
only thing that
one can justifiably be
mad at) - and I also
think that your
question was
unfair,
one should never ask a
question one does
not want to hear
answered,
"He is dead," I
responded,
"We are simply vestigial structures
and we are silly to
think otherwise."
You looked at me like
a lost puppy dog, like
a child who lost his
puppy dog, like
a parent who's child is
heart-broken because
he lost his
puppy dog.
"I don't understand,"
you said - (though, like
most things true,
this was somehow
annoying) - "vestigial
structures?"
"THE PUPPY DOG IS NOT WHAT
I AM LOOKING FOR! THAT IS
NOT WHAT IS LACKING!" I
screamed - (if it is not to be
screamed, it is not to be
said) - "WE ARE WISDOM
TEETH."
I - (this poem is self absorbed
because every action we
commit is
self absorbed) - felt bad
for yelling,
so
i apologized (we all need
to apologize, for every
thing),
and you hugged me.
The Jordan you knew is still
there, he is just deadened,
deafened,
drowning
in it all,
when he gets better -
(does anything truly
'get better'?) -
I'll tell him
that you said "Hello."
- jordan castro
(featured in the poetry forum 07.22.09)
love poem #2
drinking vodka 7’s
while listening to Chopin
in a musty room
alone
seems like i have refreshed my gmail inbox
within the past 2 hours,
more times than i have kissed anyone
‘in my entire life’
i am having an existential crisis
i am afraid of dying alone, but am unsure
if this is a legitimate fear
‘alone’ seems like bigfoot or something
like there is no ‘alone’, there is only loneliness
i feel like poison ivy
i have scrolled through all of the contacts in my phone
and i don’t feel like i have anyone to call
the whole world is filled with assholes or people who aren’t
lucky enough to be assholes
the whole world is filled with narcissistic melodrama
i am pouring vodka into a shot glass
i am going to swallow the vodka extremely quickly
i will immediately feel a warm burning sensation in my chest
this will register as a desirable sensation in my brain and in my body
i will not feel the full effect of swallowing the vodka until about
7 minutes after the time when i swallowed it
or something
i just thought ‘bombs away’ in a serious tone of voice
it is raining very hard
i am afraid of going to sleep because i do not know
what i am affecting while i am sleeping
(or even while i am ‘awake’ ‘for that matter’)
please don’t judge me or blame me
i haven’t done anything you wouldn’t have done
it is not my fault
it is not my fault
it is not my fault.
- jordan castro
(added 07.22.09) |
