Uninvited
Miss not-a-piece-to-the-puzzle
because I am to be kept at arms length
Which feels like a fifty foot radius
no matter how much I close the distance
they wonder why I feel like
I should not be here.
I wonder in retrospect
if they will realize the wound,
perhaps come to understand
fine art of being uninvited.
Untitled and incomplete
I draw myself up by the threads of my sanity,
Recreating my personal volition and vendetta.
I wanted to be something praised
I wanted to be something inspiring
Muse to your mind, mentally stimulating
Dropping little hinderance hints
tiny tainted clues of complusion.
You resurrected a dying Lotus
Neglecting needful necessity
Unaware what tending would be required.
I am simple in complexity
trial and error always worked for me
I had to touch the flame to know it was real
feel the burn to trust its pain
smell the searing on my own flesh
to know the scent of humanity on fire.
- Nicole Lilly
lilies in love
I am fragile but never frail.
My petals fold into themselves
introverted delicacy of
self containing gratification.
I told him he was my sexual Mozart
and I his musical instrument
of secret long lost pleasure.
My cries and moans
his carefully composed song.
He says rather,
the softness of my flesh
is his canvas on which
to draw out his emotions.
He wants to be my Picasso.
So it shall be forever artistic.
He wants to play my Monet
with fingertip tickling paint brushes
blushing flesh craving to be colored
by his artisan roughness,
revolutionizing the waterlilies.
- Nicole Lilly
On the Brink
"That which nourishes me destroys me." Angelina Jolie's tattoo
He is a permanant elixir on my lips
tasting the reminder of my lesson.
All things become clear through trial.
He is my tribulation touch.
Invaluable in articulation lashes,
Poetic thoughts descend upon flesh
like a swarm of leather licked kisses
Stinging as they devour my composure.
Breathless hesistation seem to
just make you want more.
Asphixation like sugared morphine
leads to honeyed inner thighs
spread like a banquet before you.
Feast upon me, all of me, taste the divinity within
words, thoughts, astrological symbology
emotions, energy, body, soul, thought forms,
feed until sated, I will always have more to give.
In being nothing, I become His something.
- Nicole Lilly
Bella Morte
"Death no longer happens
in the streets of America.
So as not to startle
those of us still living."
Rather, we have hospitals with
IV's and feeding tube labyrinths.
Technologically immortal.
Sparks of life become artificial
breath for vegetative brains
Unwilling to let go of this world.
Men brush shoulders with angels
in the ER of some dingy inner city
sanctuary built on chaos and concrete.
Never experiencing the depth
of sudden, unexplainable loss.
No more worship of Bella Morte
- Nicole Lilly
Pomegrante's and Pleasure
I die for darkness craving light
I'm done with the dark boys
I've turned in my innocence badge.
This sacrificial lamb will never bleed dry
Chilling tales of a Horror Junkie
are proverbial personal evolutions.
Terror ridden we ride the sprial
people like us, you and I
fear nothing and everything at once.
Complicated layers, complex intricaies
We are following our pattern
repeating history already
knowing how the tale plays out.
Dangerous liasions laced
with cruel intentions,
Perpetual madness in
perfect medicinal doses.
Here I am standing in the
skeletal orchard bearing pomegranates.
Contradicting the breath of life
held symbolic in the fruit of death.
Forbibben to eat, I am hungry,
in need of filling, lip licking lust
permeates my projective aura.
All wisdom comes in retrospect
too little, too late, too much, too often
He says there is no moderation,
I say there are no simplistic answers.
- Nicole Lilly
Le Petit Mort
Kryptonite red head
playing cat and mouse
wanting to get caught.
Anticipation rolling through
waves of energy thick
with poweress and sexual tension
eluding to the fact that I am off limits
That just makes it more fun.
He licks his lips like something fierce
finger exploring a saturated wonderland
Alice fell in love with the queen of hearts
and I fell into lust with the mad hatter.
He toyed with me on puppeteer strings
evoking ancient unspokens
urgency upon my lips, he tasted like insence
something mysterious born of the darkness
hidden within the depth of me.
- Nicole Lilly
Bathroom Litter
I once wrote a poem
on a dirty bathroom floor
playing surgeon to myself.
little lacerations
just litter among
the dirty laundry
flowing fragments
drowning out the haunting
of inner poltergiest
Among chaos I felt
inspired, alive
I became aware,
Awed by the link between
sorrow and life.
- Nicole Lilly
Retaste
A scream of woe,
That is what she called it.
Like the sound of a young girl
the first time her knees kiss the asphalt.
Innocence lost,
vanished or at least tarnished by time.
Trauma relived
with all survivors calling for control.
I set the tone
inviting it in with bleeding eyes.
Salted droplet sting my cheeks
Wide eyes with evaporated sparks
Recreation, experimentation...
I fear my desire, my taste for the darkness
- Nicole Lilly
(untitled)
So, I am invisible
Me and Tori, we understand.
we know each other
through mutual suffering.
Lonliness is the human condition
so far away, so far away
from friends stuck inside ourselves
our means to an end
We reherse our roles like
catching candy from a peppermint sky
only not so refreshing,
All the world is a stage and you
you are the target audience,
my talent or lack there of
to fill space with
thought,
feeling
Emotions
see my thoughts were
bruised and battered by a man
and myself repeating his masculine dogma
tiny testosterone tortures
instilling within me insecurity
rooted in "low self esteem"
I am therefore I suffer
I always come back to that line
with you, without you
within the very depth of you.
Troubled, I am traumatic
wrapped in a dark package
just waiting for someone to
pull my ribbons and
tear away my bows
yelling, "Surprise!"
See drugs didn't fix it.
I don't need crutches anymore,
I guess I will be ok with crawling
beneath humanity continuing to be invisible.
- Nicole Lilly
Drinking with Bukowski
I had an affair with alcohol and cheated on time
Women were fluttering thoughts,
as each one has at least one striking feature
So desirable at any given moment
that I just had to do it
It came, oh yeah, it came
the current
the next
the one after that
the paying customer
they came
Succulent,
sweetly swollen
embodied in the momentary
connection and reconnetions
inspiring my dark realities
spewing forth brutal honesty
I wrote because I loved them
or at least a piece of them
little fragments of their humanity,
utterly deniable
They howled orgasmically
coming forth from my pen
needing to take haven briefly
in my shadowlands
They left, oh yeah, they left
their fingerprints,
their foot prints,
their scent,
all there for me to savor
as I recreate, retaste
through my words.
They left...
for their husbands,
their fulfillment,
their righteous anger
they left for the next,
the next customer,
the next craving
all of them carnivores
in my mind
some fair in their
devourment
leaving behind lines
of invaluable wisdom
or at least inspiring
my poetry.
- Nicole Lilly
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