after-hours
I have never met anyone
who has re-written loneliness
or has found a way to remedy
what hundreds of self-help books have missed
those inside voices lack depth for echoes
since agony flows muted in the bloodstream
streets of solitude
silently calls your name
after the clubs have let out at 3:00 am,
perfect time to hear the city speak
marquee lights bounce and dance as children
slicing and jump roping
chasing a naked sun
spectrum morning,
the grace of God
can be found in synthetic forms too-
mirror skyline undressing the moon
layered beauty is much harder to see
there’s a simple truth in all this,
you come to the realization
some moments are best felt alone.
- Rafael Andrade Garza © March 12, 2008
dark room
I crawl-
buried in the shadows
covers of dusk and dawn
It’s an unfinished life
we’re all monsters
Black film and drapes
inching the right corner
before the undeveloped light
imparts her sunshine smiles
- Rafael Andrade Garza © January 23, 2008
the rat, the cat and the hat
(series in poverty)
the rat
overnight rain has collected
into the murky San Antonio River,
the river walk still asleep
fascinated, I watch a fat brown rat
scurry to devour
a half-eaten Jack-in-the-Box burger
teeth shine
like aluminum trash cans
in dawn sunlight
accidentally, he slides down his rat ass
into the drainage ditch
slipping hope,
in the year of the rat
the cat
under a downtown San Antonio bridge
plenty of bony tabby cats
curl up legs for scraps
on this unseasonably cold Saturday,
bums hurry to grab
Meals on Wheels sandwiches
leaning back on bird-crapped walls
fat cats in Washington don’t care
huddled, pigeon-holed by a capitalistic system
today the lame duck Prez said
the economy is slowing down
but, there’s no slowing down that sandwich line
the hat
Big window sign
at the Salvation Army
says, “$1 Hats”,
outside the thrift store,
off Alamo Street
a shopping cart
runs into on-coming traffic
trucker caps, baseball hats
go flying everywhere
new Mercedes almost hit,
one hat reads,
“Mo’ money, Mo’ Problems”
- Rafael Andrade Garza © March 12, 2008
Mortar Song
Burn upon stone
your words
that you left me
A mineral rock
A limestone mountain
A thousand emotions
all of them layers
your hurt
individual units laid in
treachery
betrayal
marble hope
granite heart
take that stone
laid in foundation
heat, sun and time
you fortify me
you built a stronger man.
- Rafael Andrade Garza © April 25, 2007
Crazy Cosmonaut
Contortioned in my manned maneuvering unit,
I’m conformed to this lonely flight
Cosmic embryo in crisis
Dreams begin with fetal ecstasies
of Mighty Mouse moon missions
“Must save the world from itself!”
All stars are on me-
Roll up on the planets until I die,
A ball of fury in my sight
A bronze sun is a hellish heart
in flames and in love
I make like a Jetsons flash
cruising the galaxies cholo-style for babes
I search all over the universe
for this crazy thing called love
I’m willing to trade this lost heart
for your taken part
of a feeble electronaut’s
daunting assignment to
to throw the alignments out of shape
and stake a flag in the land of love.
- Rafael Andrade Garza © Sept. 16, 2007
love is faster than a speeding bullet
If you were to shred my spirit’s tee
You’ll find a Superman S
where a bulls-eye used to be
my soul once bullet-ridden
with lost love
and bleeding sorrow
is coming back
even stronger tomorrow
nothing can defeat experience
but wisdom-
this is why I try to find new ways
to overcome my sworn enemies
the loneliness
the vice
the pity
If you were to hear my chest
echoes of a troubled city-
rockford fosgate beats upon flesh
blood flows from Technochtitlan
democratic bones carved out of Parthenon
my heart is Mt. Everest
and from this highest hope
I’m not afraid to fall
In my camera eye,
exists an imperfect world
ghosts walking where happy souls should be
on these hollow streets,
there are crimes against the heart
I put my superman t-shit back on.
- Rafael Andrade Garza © January 05, 2007
Bonfires
I live with my denial
that I never reached you
inevitably it’s true,
every attempt
to notice my lights
fly by nights
lifting the weight of your doubts
familiar ground,
down on my knees
your world is heavy,
I’m Atlas left holding
falling questions at each side
midnight embers in your steelyard,
It takes cold faith
to walk on burning coals
If it’s anything like your fire
the smoldering of my heart
will recognize your love
as simply matchsticks
in the greatest bonfires,
I want to rub against
something more than sparks
in the lesser lights
This passion I carry
I cry-- lost about its source
starved without love
a white ghost,
left alone to burn
caught in a back draft
with only years,
and the quiet reckoning of flames.
- Rafael Andrade Garza © December 13, 2007
the first girl I ever loved is dead
the first one I prayed to God to
and dedicated songs on my walk-man
in post-modern days of trapper keepers
before Hilfiger,
when Marithé & Francois Girbaud
was the obsession,
I sat behind a girl in high school algebra class
a bronze angel complexion
she made me lose my religion
I remember when
my good friend Robert and myself
fought for her affection
It took a lot out of me
to offer a heart pendant
which she took
a tender thank you
didn’t say no
when I asked her to be mine
but, she said yes to Robert
after this crucial moment
they started their torrid life
heartbreak, love apart, together
the sweetest birds never sang again
sometimes they flutter inside
a few years removed from high school
we spoke again at the strawberry festival
passionately upset with her relationship
our near courtship
delightfully laughable
as she introduced me to her sons
what could have been our life
perhaps, if she had taken the heart pendant
the one hanging in her rosy locker
a locket never opened
life continued as it could be
with our separate lives
only a few disconnected phone calls
I know she always cared
I never forgot her
Her painful life couldn’t be spared
rainbows don’t have beds
they won’t sleep with me
they search for shallow rivers instead
a murder-suicide reached national news
a young family gone
a bloody diary
contrary to what was reported
nothing was ever solved
they say she off'd her family
several relationships later
I remember her still
I don’t keep hearts on pendants anymore
my talisman walks without fear
I held my fire
I kept it burning bright
my passion these days is a mission
going to catch me a new love someday
thorns from flowers never hurt me again
for I dream without flowerbeds
she was going to be happy one day
I wrapped her pain in one last prayer
I still haven’t found what she was looking for.
- Rafael Andrade Garza © June 30, 2007
Elm Street
“X” marks the spot
it stains a busy street
into a freeway,
where our innocence was taken
one spirited November afternoon
over forty years have passed
but, I can still hear the cries
trace the ghosts through the grassy knolls
“pop, pop, pop”
out goes freedom
through a six-story window
or was it just a diversion
to spell all the conspiracy theorists?
This man was no saint
But, he brought about much good
that seems to be missing now
with a world full of lesser angels
to fill two heavens
“X” marks the spot
where America’s hearts
never again pretended,
their lives would continue unaffected
all declared wars have a price
it started the killing line
Malcolm X
MLK
Bobby Kennedy
the world left wondering
“Damn, who’s next?”
How many tragic “X’s”?
Conspiracies the mind perplexes
“X” marks the spot
the start of the U.S.
in the terrorists cross hairs
fast forward,
buildings fall in pairs
Do remnants of the cold war abound?
I look at my country now
and wish JFK was around
“X” marks the spot
where America’s pain was caught on film
frozen bullets with many names
Democracy never felt the same
I walk down Elm Street
Silent whispers in the trees
I hear history breathe
“X” marks the spot
where fear still dominates the news today
and a Bush administration
more intent on selling trepidation,
while civil liberties deteriorate
JFK warned,
“Let us never negotiate out of fear.
But let us never fear to negotiate.”
- Rafael Andrade Garza © March 26, 2007.
Main Event
(Charles Bukowski vs. Saul Williams)
Break.
peace. love. war.
those are fightin’ words man
one more beer
I’ll take you on
you jab me with the rain
run circles around me
like Sugar Ray Leonard
dazzle me with the stars
I have no room for your metaphors
I’ll uppercut you with brutal truth
straight right with my hardest fight
we take seats
with opposite sides of the lyrical universe
spit in the poetic bucket
Break.
You come with a right (ous) cross
I duck it.
In the center,
we embrace in brotherhood
separate like enemies
in the canon neighborhood
hard left to my body
your beautiful rhyme
gets me everytime
Break.
I wonder
who’s the best pound for pound?
your words vs. mine
we roll with the best punches around
you bring spirituality in your corner
I never let my bluebird die out
in this painful life
you bring the best to the bout
to fight the promotion machine
leave no word undone
with these specialties
we battle the injustice, son.
- Rafael Andrade Garza © June 22, 2006.
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