blame my gene pool, blame my parents, blame my catholic teachers, blame the sleazy nurse, blame the inadequate doctors, blame the horny shrinks, blame the sugar, blame the booze, blame the most depressing bedsit in the world, blame the television, blame freud, blame labour, blame the harsh editor, blame the 21st century, blame all the made-up rapists, blame the supermarket of death, blame the friends turned yuppies, blame the twisted poofs, blame the north sea, blame the climate, blame the bible, blame the rash on my left arm, blame my wicked stepsister, blame the moon, blame the smiths songs, blame the haughty bitches, blame the insipid novels, blame the westerns, blame the flatulent family dog, blame my short-tempered grandfather, blame my red scarf, blame my working class background, blame my fickle lovers, blame britpop, blame kurt cobain, bang bang bang, but don't blame me, blame blame blame someone else.

he's sitting at the table across from me, he's talking about totally uninteresting stuff politics, terrorism, zionism, poverty, communism and what not, but i'm not listening, i'm thinking about my plans to get disgustingly rich...

1.work: good points: i will not end up in jail or get brutally slaughtered, bad points: time consuming + have to get along with people i despise + have to take orders from people i'd much rather flog.

2.prostitution: good points: relatively easy money + i don't have to befriend anyone + i can use another name; bad points: unpredictable violent customers, high death rate, people will shove objects into all my orifices, i could die from internal haemorrhages but most likely will i be blown to death by my psycho pimp or be brutally tortured and then slaughtered by a mad frustrated vindictive woman hater psychopath client.

3.marry a rich cunt: good points: this requires little effort from me + I can always divorce him pretty soon and still remain loaded (ha);bad points: i would have to put on a show, i would have to pretend i love this man, nah, that's way too hard, besides if i leave him he would put a contract on me (well yes, he's got the money so why wouldn't he?!).

4.write a bestseller: good points: i would possibly feel good about myself for a few seconds + people would want to befriend me + handsome will want to shag me + i'd get to meet thom yorke and irvine welsh + i could slagg of my former soul mate maff in this bestseller and he'd know about it + my mother would possibly take me serious for a few seconds; bad points: this requires effort from me and effort is bad.

5.marry michael stipe:good points: he's not a bad looker + he's fairly intelligent + he's away on tour a lot + he knows morrissey personally + he's disgustingly rich & getting richer; bad points: he fancies morrissey + he's not very clever + he's utterly vain + he's got an annoying voice + he's so fucking serious.

6.steal a work of art: good points: do you know how much some are worth??!! tis insane...+ it wouldn't take much time + i'm not harming individuals so i don't have to feel guilty (as if i ever would); bad points: i could get
caught + i could get ripped off by my "associates"(i will need some help, I will need a buyer) + it would be tricky to say the least...