I don’t know which nightgown to wear. I know this will be the nightgown they find me in and I feel like it should be one of my nicer ones, but if its too nice, that’ll seem weird. Finally I decide on a baby blue flannel, only because it’s my most comfortable, and somehow, comfort makes sense.

We turn off the lights and crawl into bed. The garbage bags under the sheet make a crinkly noise when we move, but other than that, it almost seems like any other night. He tells me he wants me to fall asleep first. He can’t do it while I’m awake. I can understand his logic, but how the hell am I supposed to sleep, I tell him. We laugh. It feels strange to laugh, but good, at the same time. I turn to him in bed and he gathers me into his arms. We kiss on the mouth and then begin to shower each other with little kisses on each other’s faces, frantically almost, just in case we do get separated, I think.

"Don’t cry." He says.

"I’m not crying." I answer and I realize it is him that’s crying. I can feel his hot tears on my face. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve seen my Job cry. He’s not a crying man.

We lay like this for a long time, there’s no way I’m falling asleep.

"Do you want a sleeping pill?" He asks me, and I say yes.

He goes to get the pill and some water and returns. The bathroom light is cascading into our room and it surrounds him and he is a dark silhouette coming toward me and I swallow it and smile at him, in the dark. I can see in the dim light, he’s smiling back at me.

"I love you, Saffron. More than anything in this world, I love you."

"I know that. You don’t even have to say it."

"I know I don’t, but I want to. And…" he crying again, my husband, in the dark. "If we don’t make it to the other side together, I want you to know…"

"Stop it, Job."

"That the life we shared…"

"You don’t have to say..."

"Was well worth an eternity apart."

"We won’t be apart." I touched his lips with my finger. "Just leave it to me. When we get there, just keep your mouth closed, okay? You let me handle this. You know how you just end up making matters worse with your mouth sometimes."

"I know." He is nodding, and smiling. His tears seem to glow in the dark and I can feel the sleeping pill starting to work, and the lulling, drifting feeling coming on.

"I’m getting tired, Job. I think I can sleep now." He bends down to kiss my forehead and I close my eyes. "See you on the other side." I whisper.

I am drifting, so softly, into a dark sleep. I begin to dream and I see my husband sitting on his easy chair. The living room is dark, in my dream, except for the blue glow of the television. Job is smiling, then laughing, loudly, enjoying what he is watching. I can hear the canned laughter of the live studio audience. "Oh, Saffron," He says between laughs. He is slapping his knee, his mouth wide with laughter. He can hardly speak, he is laughing so hard. I walk to my chair and sit down to see what he is watching. "This is so funny, you gotta see this!"

I look at the television, and there is no picture. Only the most beautiful white light I’ve ever seen, glowing intensely from the TV set. I begin to laugh too.

* * * *