It’s over. I did it. She’s gone.

I lay next to her. Blood is spilling from her head over to my side. She’s always creeping over to my side. I laugh. I am crying. Really bad. This is really bad, way worse than I thought. I didn’t think it would be this messy, this goddamned terrible.

Please forgive me, Lord. I cock the gun and take my turn. The shot is so loud, it echoes, and I feel a sting in my head. There is blackness and I am floating. Am I dead? I can’t even tell. I see a light in the distance and I know that is her; that is Heaven. I must get to the light. I hear her voice, but it is not her elderly voice, it is the voice she had when we first met, the voice she laughed at all my jokes with, it’s like music, it’s so beautiful. It’s her, I realize. It’s her that is Heaven. My Saffron.

"Why would two god-fearing Christians name their son after the most cursed man in the Bible?"

I can hear her laughing voice, like music. It’s like a song, like an angel, and I go to her.